The Search
By: Scott Sousa
In a tiny dark room stood two men, one from the organization, the other was born with tiny ears and the ability to get the job done. They stared out a large window looking out at the universe. They used his tiny ears to listen in on microscopic worlds.
"What do you hear?" Agent Dunbar asked.
"Shh..." replied Heywood, aiming his right ear toward the target. He heard voices. They were all clamoring for attention, screaming, whispering, singing, booing, cheering, chanting, exclaiming, sighing, whimpering, whining and some were even sleep talking. "It's hard to make out who's who."
"You need a filter."
"God, no, please, no more filters," Heywood begged, cowering into a dark corner.
Agent Dunbar pierced his skull with a hypodermic needle full of a yellow liquid. Paralyzed with pain, Heywood collapses to the floor with the needle still stuck in his skull, occasionally twitching.
"Quit screwing around. We have work to do." Agent Dunbar pulled the needle from Heywood's skull. Heywood regained consciousness and stood up, dusting his pants off. He re-aimed his ear.
"I hear him," Heywood said.
"What's he saying?"
Heywood said nothing. He was listening to himself and Agent Dunbar a few minutes behind where they existed at the moment. It no longer mattered what he heard because he already knew what was said.
Dilettante & Tyro (A Series. In Conversation): Mindfulness
By: Jonathan Briggs
-Let me see those.
-I take one every morning before my breakfast. Sometimes I take one at night or in the afternoon if I'm feeling particularly B deprived or something.
-Why did you, of all people, become a vegan? Is it vegan or a vegan?
-I don't think it matters. But I think you can lose the article. It sounds more unified and communal without the “a.”
-Ok, why did you become vegan? You love meat. And cheese.
-That's just it. I love meat. I love cheese. But why should I indulge in something based solely on pleasure? You don't roam around the streets kicking homeless people.
-Right. But I also find no pleasure in such pursuits. Besides, you don't eat meat solely for the pleasure it gives you. Nutrition is another factor.
-My point exactly. It's a kind of asceticism.
-You mean you see yourself as a sort of palate-monk.
-Precisely. I deprive myself of something I enjoy, I make it harder for me to ingest B12, vitamin D and calcium, I consider before eating, all because I believe in something higher than a whimsical craving for a cheesesteak. Why should a cow be slaughtered because my stomach belts an insatiable growl?
-Not insatiable.
-What?
-Your stomach could easily be appeased by popping a chunk of ground beef into your mouth.
-By shoving beef down my gullet? You aren't following. As long as I'm alive I am going to be hungry. I might as well eat with a mindfulness of my food.
-Mindfulness?
-Yes. Mindfulness. Being aware of what you eat. How it impacts the entire universe, not just your impermanent appetite.
-And you eat with your mind how often? Every time you eat?
-Every time I unhinge my jaw to bite.
-How long have you been a vegan now?
-Since last May. So going on eight months now.
-And how long have you been taking these supplements?
-The same.
-Have you ever read the ingredients?
-Once. When I bought them. A bunch of stuff I couldn't pronounce.
-Yeah, I bet. Except for this one. You can pronounce ingredient number two.
-What is it?
-You have to promise you'll appreciate the irony.
-I think I know where this is going.
-Gelatin.
Sausage Youth
By: Scott Sousa
The sausages of our youth reflect out gaping lack of humanity.
We were young.
We were reckless.
The sausages we ate injected saturated fat and cholesterol into our philistinic hearts.
We kill ourselves by lacking to care.
"But sausages are good. We'll live forever," you said long ago.
Now you're dead.
Death by sausage? Not quite.
It was a McNasty car accident that did you in.
If adjectives had ethnicities, 'nasty' would be Irish.
The car accident was (No No No) nasty, but Irish at the same time. Consolidation. McDonald. Nasty. Hence, McNasty.
"Not Donald Nasty!" the midwife shrieked seeing the car accident in the distance.
"SHA-RIEK!" a passerby said laughing to himself.
He had not thought of Applied Chaos and "The Butterfly Effect." What you do does indeed fuck the future.
A man calls the police. Says, "I think someone's in trouble."
"Okay, calm down, sir. What happened?"
"I heard a man outside shriek."
Congratulations, midwife.
You wasted taxpayers' dollars. What are you? British or a just a bitch? It can't be both. No way, José. One way or no way. No how.
***
The cause of our "sausage youth1" comes from our hatred for everyone else. It also comes from our undying love for everyone else (while we hate ourselves, obviously).
We cannot end like this.
We must move on.
"And we must become vegan."
"Shut the fuck up," an attractive woman said.
Somewhere behind a one way mirror an FBI agent watched the scene unfold. She was suspected of weapons smugglings but could never be convicted. Sorry to ruin it for you.
No, it's okay.
Good because I'm not sorry.
God damn it, Fred. Shut up.
Fred nailed the accelerator and rear-ended the car of Donald McNasty.
-
1 The words of Dr. Gerald Accordion carved into a toilet stall.