Dilettante & Tyro (A Series. In Conversation): Why do you Write?

-I could never write.

-Why’s that?

-I wouldn’t be able to deal with strangers psychoanalyzing me all the time.

-That’s just some groups. The Freudian cats. You know, that’s why it’s called psychoanalytic criticism. Besides, that’s old news now anyways.

-Alright, but analysis in general.  Like, think of the queerists.

-I’m not sure they go by that.

-You know what I mean.  Queer theory.  I know I have sexual hang-ups...

-Everyone’s got ‘em.

-Right. But my hang-ups would glisten on the page, I’m sure.

-Well that sounds more like psychoanalytic theory.  What about Marxists?

-They’re still around?

-Probably more so than ever, what with the recession and all.  Actually, I don’t know.

-Anyways, I guess I didn’t mean to mention any specific literary theory.  I just would hate to discover something that my unconscious mind successfully kept below the surface.  At least for my own perspective.  I don’t care what other people see when they look at me, as long as I don’t have to see it.  There’s a reason why I look in the mirror only once a day.

-I would like to see what you see.

-Everything that you do, minus me.  If you write, there’s no excusing yourself to yourself. You know what I mean?

-No.

-For example, I write some children’s book about a car that talks and these futurists come along and start writing about how I’m glorifying the new technologies and the replacement of humans or something.

-Futurists?

-The Italian movement.

-Didn’t that die out in the ‘30s?

-Whatever, there’s experts on everything.  All these esoteric theories keep people going.  Otherwise, everyone is everyone else.  You know?

-No.

-Well take us for example.  Here we are talking about writing and literary criticism.  Do you think that lady knows what we’re talking about?

-If she’s showed up to half the classes and has access to Wikipedia.

-You think so?  Then, shit, I better find more arcane pursuits.  I want to melt into an obscure bliss.  That way nobody will get me, but everyone will dig me.

-Well you probably shouldn’t write children’s books anyway.  You hate your own nephew.

-I know.  This is all hypothetical.  I’m just saying that what you do is noble.

-Noble?

-You’re putting yourself out there.  For you and the world to see.

-You need to be published to be out there.

-True.  Can I ask you something?

-Why would you ask me that?  Just ask the question.  If I don’t want to answer, I won’t.

-Why do you write?