Lacking

They whispered and giggled. They were all alone and had nothing to hide but that surely didn't stop them from enjoying the thrill of sharing their secrets.

Bill and Donnie walked in. Rachel and Denise, caught in the headlights of a semi that has no intention of braking, stopped, stunned, and stared at the men only to succumb to the sudden urge to crack up.

The women laughed and the men walked past, not really knowing what to think. They sit down in the living room and Bill turns on the t.v.

"Have you ever gone to the bathroom to take a piss and found a very long hair mingling with your carnival when there's no reason for one to be there?"

"What do you mean?"

"I mean, you haven't been with a woman in a while, and out of the blue you pull out your snake to refill the Hudson and there's a long hair wrapped around your straw. Has that ever happened to you?"

"Well, could it be due to poor personal care?"

"I don't go more than a week without whacking the weeds. And what are the odds I've been missing this one hair all these years only to have it fall out suddenly?"

"Wait, are you telling me you haven't dipped your pen in Rachel's ink in a while?"

"It's this thing we've been trying out recently that's supposed to get us to bond. She gets sauced by another guy while I watch."

"That's fucked." Bill smirked.

"Ha ha, funny."

"How did you get roped into something as crazy as that?"

"Our marriage counselor suggested it. She said it would help me feel connected to her."

"Does it work?"

"The first few times it pissed me off so now I just bring a book to keep my mind off it."

"Do you at least get to putt in some other chick's green in front of your wife?"

"No."

"That's like... feminism out of control or something, man. You got to put an end to that."

Donnie shrugs. "The only thing I can really do -"

The door to the apartment was broken down and two men wielding shotguns raced in, and in a panic, they immediately fired shots at Rachel and Denise. The men, realizing they shouldn't have been so hasty, bolted.

Bill and Donnie ran into the kitchen and found their wive's brains splattered on the floor and walls.

"Bad ass," Donnie says and they high-fived.

Reality sets in. Donnie awoke from his dream and cut off a stream of spit that had begun to drip down onto his mediocre book as Denise moaned, "Harder, Rex, harder."

He watched Rex's balls slap against his wife's pelvis for a moment and tried to regain interest in his novel...